Always his...
He came into my life by mistake. Wild and free. In my mind, I have slept with him numerous times. No, not making love, just holding one another.
He doesn’t know anything of this. But he knows I love him like no other. When we met, his eyes saw straight into me. I so believe.
Like I saw straight into him. Words seemed insufficient, hesitant, shy. And we weren’t comforted enough to look straight in eyes and be so, or hold a silent conversation. Like when you just sit together, side by side, quiet.
And a finger makes connect. And evolves to holding hands. Just holding hands.
My life was full, content and flowing over the brim. So what was the need to welcome this stranger to that short list of long loves? I really don’t know. Maybe that is how it works, life.
The night is still young. There are many hours before dawn. Yet, I am sleepless. I wonder if what I do is right. I wonder, 'Am I the only one this way?' Bestowed with the infinite source of love. The power to love even when it hurts.
He promises, "Ask and you shall receive." I ask for hope, one more time. I hope that someone would love me the way I love. Someone would understand why I am the way I am. Someone besides me is just like me, or at least almost…
I constantly wonder about souls, death, afterlife, the promise of infinity. Do I believe? The happening of an unhappenable. Sometimes I do, mostly I don’t. What is the later that can’t be realized in the present...will it even matter so much later…
I willed him to find a woman of his own. Someone who would pet him, pamper him, mother him. Someone who would inspire him and be his hope. Someone who would encourage him to spread his strong wings and take the flight to the horizons of his mighty destiny. Someone who would fly with him, accompany him.
And I would wait here, in the woods, wishing him luck, chanting my beads of rosary for his success and happiness. I would wait infinitely, for him to come back to me. I would wait for him to know that what he went on an elusive search was right within him, with him, always his.
*Images are mine. As is prose. All rights reserved.
Thankyou Bina :)
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EW
beautifully expressed
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Vish,
As you say it all begins in small things, the smallest being in love with someone...
And its isnt like forced or a practised discipline, really....it just comes, happens, by itself...thats the beauty of it...the intensity of longing, desire, yearning, passion, romance, all in different measures, you cant really say for sure you havent...u just might not have realised it, thats all...its better to be that way, than be dreary and dull...
Maybe there are all kinds, all types, that is why it makes a world, isnt it :)
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EW,
I think the difference in our thinking is that for me love is a byproduct of romance in a man woman relationship and not an end in itself.
To me love isuniversal and not a man woman thing, also I think the empathy is automatic when the bonds are strong...
I have internalised romance as a way of life and small things have the ability to excite me.. It also means that I can be in love with multiple people without a trace of guilt..For me love is not to be pedestalised, but practiced in day to day living...An offshoot of this is I dont think I have ever been in love in the way many on sulekha imagine themselves to be in or are actually in...Therefore dont relate to the strong emotions of those in love... lets say mine is practcal love, and maybe I am doomed
vish
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Nup..,
Yes I know the story, thats why I put the plant in there...thats the cue for req too :)
And this time you have to explain why the diff Nupur :) or as bmw says, no I wont tell if I tell, the magic is gone huh?
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Dimwit,
Think I said that on a comt on ur blog...wher he dies....in coma...
Maybe, yes, he is me :) Thanx for the hope on a hope :)
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Neha,
Thankyou for knowing....Its one thing writing something....its a great feeling when ssomeone identifies with it...Thanx...This one for you, okay :)
Thanx for being here :) Very much
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MEl,
Thankyou for being here...Yes, in a rightoeus way, he gotta come back....but it doesnt even really matter....some plane some dimensions, always together...so it doesnt really matter :)
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Thankyou Indu :)))
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Ew
Have you read the story of Krishna Tulsi.....
This one told me a certain truth and somewhere made a difference a change......I will never be the same in a good way and in a ..... way....well
Thank you Ew
A different Nupur
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