Always his...

He came into my life by mistake. Wild and free. In my mind, I have slept with him numerous times. No, not making love, just holding one another.

He doesn’t know anything of this. But he knows I love him like no other. When we met, his eyes saw straight into me. I so believe.

Like I saw straight into him. Words seemed insufficient, hesitant, shy. And we weren’t comforted enough to look straight in eyes and be so, or hold a silent conversation. Like when you just sit together, side by side, quiet.

And a finger makes connect. And evolves to holding hands. Just holding hands.

My life was full, content and flowing over the brim. So what was the need to welcome this stranger to that short list of long loves? I really don’t know. Maybe that is how it works, life.

The night is still young. There are many hours before dawn. Yet, I am sleepless. I wonder if what I do is right. I wonder, 'Am I the only one this way?' Bestowed with the infinite source of love. The power to love even when it hurts.

He promises, "Ask and you shall receive." I ask for hope, one more time. I hope that someone would love me the way I love. Someone would understand why I am the way I am. Someone besides me is just like me, or at least almost…

I constantly wonder about souls, death, afterlife, the promise of infinity. Do I believe? The happening of an unhappenable. Sometimes I do, mostly I don’t. What is the later that can’t be realized in the present...will it even matter so much later…

I willed him to find a woman of his own. Someone who would pet him, pamper him, mother him. Someone who would inspire him and be his  hope. Someone who would encourage him to spread his strong wings and take the flight to the horizons of his mighty destiny. Someone who would fly with him, accompany him.

And I would wait here, in the woods, wishing him luck, chanting my beads of rosary for his success and happiness. I would wait infinitely, for him to come back to me. I would wait for him to know that what he went on an elusive search was right within him, with him, always his.

 *Images are mine. As is prose. All rights reserved.